That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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