just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
