your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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