Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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