If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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