found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
