He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
