I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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