let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
