There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
