I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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