I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
