I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
