I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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