I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize