I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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