just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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