we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
