and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
