I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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