umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I want to be your penis for a week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
