Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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