see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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