proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
