Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
