dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
