Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
