I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
