Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
