this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
