Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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