I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
