the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
