Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
