I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize