He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
