She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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