my mouth tastes like poor choices
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
