So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
