Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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