Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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