I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
