Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
