he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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