Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
