we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
