Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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