Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
