My room smells like vodka and shame
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
