are you still at the devil's house?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
