Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
where does the pee come out of this thing
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize