It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
