You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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