Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
