I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
