So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
