I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
