I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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