My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
