Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
