so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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