Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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