dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is glitter all over my balls
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
